A Guest Post from BWL Author,
Lorrie Unites-Struiff
Many of us Crones have (or are working through) this one. The kids grow up and leave but your caregiving responsibilities are far from over. Suddenly, unexpectedly, you find yourself in charge of one or both of your parents, or, maybe even your spouse.
For some
people, “The Golden Years” are not the relaxing, traveling and fun years televisions
and magazines say will be ours when we become seniors. Many have said this to me. Now I find myself in full agreement.
My mother
had Parkinson’s and I took care of her in my home for three years.
Eventually came the time I could no longer help her and placed her in a care
home. She died six months later on Christmas Day.
Two months
ago, I had to place my husband in a care home. I could no longer take care of
him properly, even with the help of in-home hospice care. You see, he
has Alzheimer’s, COPD, ruptured disks in his back and horrible stenosis of the
spine. Together, these diseases cause him much pain, and sometimes he falls
when he walks. I couldn’t pick him up, nor knew what would happen next in the
middle of the night with his Alzheimer at home.
I’m sure
many of you have gone through this and know what I’m writing about. As he got
worse, I became scared, exhausted, tired of the arguments, and so much more. I
couldn’t function as a human being anymore.
Now, I go
visit him almost every day. The care home I chose happens to be a very nice
one. I see how the staff treats the other patients with kindness and smiles. At
times, they must use the sternness of authority. But never in an unkind manner.
When I enter
the home, I see John lying in his horizontal wheelchair who can’t move a muscle
except for his mouth, and I watch the uncontrollable movement of his arms and
hands. He’s such a sweet guy who loves
when I sit near him and we talk. He smiles and we have a small conversation
until his wife comes in to sit by his side. He has a great attitude. Jane
appreciates me taking the time and is such a sad woman. We chat occasionally. We
are both visiting a loved one here every day; it makes us sisters in sorrow.
There is
Mary, curled up on a couch in the big living room, sound asleep. The other
couches and chairs are occupied by men and women in various degrees of withdrawal and illness. Some stay in their rooms.
A man goes by with a walker that has a bunny rabbit attached to the grip. He
looks so mean, but is really nice and says hello to everyone.
And oh, there
is Sally who is seventy-five years old. She came into my hubby’s room one day
and asked if I had a phone. She said she had to call her husband to make sure
he picked up their young son after school. I told her I didn’t have a phone.
Five minutes later, she returned with the same question. I gave the same
answer. The next time she came into the room, I immediately told her I didn’t
have a phone. Sally put her hands on her hips, gave a snort, and said, “How did
you know what I was going to ask?”
Minnie the Moocher,
as she is called, is always asking visitors for cigarettes. If you bring in a
big bottle of soda pop, she’ll come in with a glass of ice and ask for some.
How can you say no?
They all
wear ankle bracelets that set off alarms if they open an outside door. Then you
see the aides come running.
When my
grandchildren go to visit Pap, our eighteen-year-old grandson likes to walk the
unsteady patients down the halls and back. Did I tell you I’m proud of him? My
seven-year-old granddaughter feels it’s her duty to go around and give everyone
a loving hug. Seeing the patients’ eyes light up when she does it is a joy.
Then we have our seven-month-old bruiser of a baby boy whom everyone wants to
hold.
My daughter
will allow it, but she keeps a steady two hands on him while they do, for safties
sake. He’s a lively baby but endures the handling by strangers and gives them big
smiles.
These, my
friends, are not the “Golden Years.” They are the sorrowful years to watch your
loved ones fade away slowly. My aunt has a saying with which I will end my
story:
“You have to
be a tough bird to get old.”
Lorrie
Unites-Struiff—author
Gypsy Blood
available at Amazon.
Available on
Amazon. http://www.amazon.com/Gypsy-Blood-Born-Romany-ebook/dp/B008190LLK/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1341446441&sr=1-1&keywords=gypsy+blood
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